oh well..

The below is not a poem so don't ask me why the lines are not rhyming. I'll hit you if you do. You have been warned.

It was my first time.
They say doing it for the first time would blow your mind away.
I was scared, frightened, on the verge of of being hysterical.
Is this right? Am I allowed to do this?
I'm still young and the thought of baring any responsibilities after kept lingering in my mind.
Should I do it?
"Be a man la bro"
I could still hear this saying in my thoughts.
Thanks a lot whoever you are.


Mom and Dad have always told me to avoid this until I am of legal age.
They always told me that the responsibilities that come after are of too much a burden for a young man.
It was a taboo topic.
Mom and Dad never brought this issue up during family dinners.
What I know, I learnt from books and websites.
I shall today prove Mom and Dad wrong and that I am old enough to do it.


Alright...a man I shall be then.
I got hold of her.
She was well endowed with curves at all the right places.
I didn't know what to do at first for I had no prior experience.
I stared at her and she stared at me.
Looking at each other, I realised we were meant to be together.
No one could separate us.
The first thing I wanted to do was to kiss her.
To savour her aroma(or lack of).
To know that from now on, there is no turning back.


We put mouth to mouth.
Sparks sparkled and fires kindled.
It was amazing.
I wanted more. I couldn't get enough.
She had this uncanny ability to make me high.
I never knew what it is that she did but she did it well.


I felt my knees go weak.
My head was spinning.
I never expected such mental and physical torture.
All this while with an indescribable feeling inside of me.
I looked at her and she was glowing with pride.
Knowing that she has me in her grasp.
A few more minutes and I couldn't take it anymore.
The thought of all those responsibilities vanished.
I just wanted to have a good time with her.
Finally, she burned out. Tired.
I too was tired but I wanted more.
So I turned around and went "Bro...borrow me your lighter"
For I wanted more and there's no better satisfying feeling than a cigarette.


---A tribute to polluting the Earth's air for a rough estimation of four years---


Cheers.

The other day while I was reading the newspaper, I came across something which was quite out of the ordinary. Now I don't usually do newspaper reviews or whatever but I'm getting bored with life anyways. When the newspaper is the next most entertaining thing to do to masturbation, you know it is time to reevaluate your life and think about the next best thing to do to lighten up your life :- So I ran up to some random guy and punched him in the face...Man, that felt so good.


Anyways, in the Metro section, there was this gigantic picture of our very own Youth and Sports Minister kicking some ang moh in the nads and ruining his shit for the rest of the day. You can tell from his expression that this was no publicity stunt and the picture wasn't taken just for interest's sake. THIS REALLY HAPPENED. IT IS NOT A POSE. And right at the bottom there's this sentence "Sports Minister Datuk Azalina Othman Said shows how a woman can defend herself during the first session of an ambitious self-defense programme for the fairer sex"

Wohhhhh...ambitious indeed. I'm shivering in my pants already. It's a self-defense class for the fairer sex. Wow. I'm already expecting a couple of girls running up to me and ruining my shit too.Woooo. So they actually teach you how to kick balls in that class? AND IN THE FIRST SESSION TOO?? Wow!
Man, you'd know this is some fucked up shit when kicking a guys balls is labelled as self-denfense. When a man slaps a woman's boobs, it is called sexual assault. But when a woman kicks a guy in the nuts, it is called self-defense?? This is horse shit. You don't see the former Sports Minister(that Hishamuddin guy, our current Education minister) uppercutting a woman in her jaw while laughing and labelling it as self-defense. You don't get a picture where a woman grimaces in pain as she holds her jaw. Man that would rule so hard but we know this will never happen because women's rights activist will start bitching all over the place.



Which brings me to another article. You see there's this MP(member of parliament) who recently made a comment that women divorcees are "gatal" or randy in English. Before he could even say "Just kidding fags" he was lambasted left,right, and centre by, as expected, women's rights groups and a couple of guys who're probably too gay to even think straight. Look, everyone's entitled to their own opinion. I wish everyone would just stop bitching over small issues like this. Women's rights groups are always waiting to pounce on men who label women in a bad way. Here's something for you women's rights fags to ponder on :- GET A JOB!

Anyway, I think our current Sports Minister is a deranged psycho who enjoys basking in the lime light with the fact that she's a big shot now. Every other day there are pictures in the newspaper of her playing badminton, checking out stadiums, working with young sports men and the like. She will never get the fact that NOBODY CARES and the only reason we're reading the sports pages of a newspaper is because of the football coverage and/or the Magnum and Toto winning numbers. Holy shit, I just labelled a woman as a deranged psycho. Anytime now, I might be kicked in the balls. I have to be more careful. Bah...blast this bullshit.

I was going through an entertainment magazine(Galaxie) the other day when I noticed...Hollywood is all out of macho action stars. Now usually I don't read entertainment magazines for the fact that there is nothing entertaining in them at all. Not even one naked chick. Now naked chicks are entertaining and if you beg to differ, I'd kick you in the nuts homo. Anyways...I only picked up that magazine because Galaxie was all out promoting it's "new look" and "new contents" recently. Indeed...new look, new content, same old bullshit.


Back to the subject proper, I can't recall the last time Hollywood produced an action movie with a macho looking star. Where were the days when an action star would jump through a glass door and pop every single terrorist in the head with his macho gun while screaming "Yippie-ky-yay mother fucker" ala Bruce Willis in the Die Hard series? What ever happened to Stallone and his antics in Rambo? Man, Rambo kicks so much ass. He's a one man army. Holy shit! I wonder what happened to Steven Seagal. Man, that guy could whip every gun-wielding baddie's behind with his own bare hands. Fucking cool!


Nowadays, our "new" action stars come in the form of :-
Orlando Bloom?? Gay
Jude Law?? Gay
Brad Pitt?? Totally gay
Colin Farrell?? He's got the look but still pretty much gay.


I can't stand the action stars of today. All clean shaven and looking good. All going with that new trend called metrosexual. What's a metrosexual anyways? Oh wait, I don't give a shit. I can't remember the last time I went to the cinema to watch an action flick. Action flicks nowadays are just all good looks and no action. Sure the effects are so much more spectacular but that's the worst part. These new stars depend on effects way too much. Just look at The Matrix. Now that's 3 whole episodes of the biggest horse crap in action movie history. Oh yeah, action stars of today depend too much on stunt doubles too. These people don't do their own stunts do they? I forgot...they might brake a nail and have to go for a manicure. Stupid homos.


There's also this new trend of getting some black guy, or African-American guy if you wanna put it to star in action flicks. Look at that black guy in XXX2. All attitude but all lame bull crap. What about Will Smith and Martin Lawrence in the Bad Boys movie?? Again all attitude but these guys can't kick ass. The effects were good but that's only it. Half the time these guys go into gun fights, they would like jump around, roll around, run around but still emerge from that aftermath squeaky clean. WTF weh??


And don't get me started on that Di Crap-io...oh my bad...Di Caprio guy and even Keanu Reeves. Mr. Reeves must be using some hell of a hair gel because no matter how many times he kicked ass or got his ass kicked, there's not even a single strand of hair misplaced. How the hell can that happen? Where's all the blood and gore that comes with action flicks? Man Hollywood sucks...Oh yeah..there's this guy, can't really remember his name, Jason something, who starred in the Transporter flicks. Now that guy kicks ass but he's no where near as macho as Bruce Willis cos everybody knows Bruce Willis is da man yo.





On a non-related topic, there was a picture in the Star paper, dated 13/4/06 that depicted a couple of Indonesians burning copies of the new Indonesian Playboy, stating their religious beliefs as the catalyst of them doing so. Man what the fuck is wrong with these homos?? Just a few of the myriads of stupid people around the world. Man...Playboy? Burn? Stupid...

myheritage.com

You people have gotta go try this...go to this site www.myheritage.com and try out it's celebrity look-alike thingy there...I had nothing better to do on a Sunday so I uploaded like 5-6 pics of myself in different poses and...well...

Ignore the cruel cruel fact that I look like a bunch of dead scientists...but accept the fact that if I were ever born an American, I might just look like Josh Hartnett...This is too cool for I know if I ever looked like him, I'll be getting free blowjobs all over the place...Man...

Anyways...go and try it for yourselves...upload a few pics of yourselves with different expressions and see your results...have fun

I was at a hypermarket today...doing some light grocery shopping when I noticed this small sized Indian woman at the soap department...Nothing surprising at first but I noticed something really strange. In her basket, there were like packs upon packs of soap...you know...not those liquid soap but soap that comes in ermm...satu ketul satu ketul. Yeah..those kind...Anyway...There must have been like 7 packs of it in there and don get me wrong here...each pack has like 3 ketul of that soap in it. That makes it out to be a whopping 21 ketul of soap...


Perhaps she's just buying the soap for her family or...like...making a donation to some charity house or something. Yeah...perhaps...but perhaps we can skew our imagination a bit and just accept the fact that Indians need a lot of soap to get rid of that certain odour they have. Don't get me wrong here...I'm not a racist...I love Indian people...friendliest people on the planet(that's for you, you Chinese speaking fucks)...but I just can't stand their odour...Everytime an Indian sits or stands anywhere within a 3 feet radius of me I feel like I've just been punched in the nose...The odour...oooooohhh...I bet any mosquitoes flying around would have died immediately...Who needs foggings? Get an Indian to move around the house...and you're mosquito-free..
Can you imagine how it must have felt like during a MIC general meeting?? Fuhhhh...

That's it...I don't care man...You might hate me for saying this but I'd still say it anyways...
Most Chinese(educated) people, if not, all, are sick dicks with nothing better to do in their lives...
Now what prompted me to say this is because of a couple of dumbfucks living 2 floors above me having a great time singing karaoke...
Well nothing's wrong with that exceot the fact that it's 12 bloody midnight and it's already exam season...So who the hell can actually study in a condiotion like this...you tell me...


I'm so pissed...I think there's a weird connection between Chinese people and karaoke...For 20 years I've never even been to a karaoke centre..Now...just 2 sems in and I must have been there like 5-6 times...5-6 BLOODY TIMES!!!...I know it's weird but I was just following a bunch of friends...which then gets me thinking again. Just about every other person here celebrates his/her birthday at a karaoke centre...*shrugs* I mean what's up with that?? What happened to big-ass dinners or barbeques or even hotel stays?? Everytime we're there, they keep singing the same songs over and over again. Ohhhh-kay...that sounds like fun. NOT!!!


I'm starting to wonder if people here actually know how to have fun. Hell no I'm going to another karaoke gathering. I'd rather stay home and masturbate. The other day I asked some random fella if there was anything else people around here do for fun...The fella(not mentioning if it's a he or she) mentioned movies........movies.....MOVIES??? What the fuck are movies?? No...I don't go to the movies to have fun...I go to the movies just to pass my free time. You don't get any fun staring at a screen for 2 hours...NO! Geezzz...So the fella posted the same question back to me...
When I told him I'd rather sit for 2 hours at a shopping centre staring at chicks instead of going to a movie...the fella gave me the weirdest look...It's like he's saying "Dude...what the fuck?"...So I was like "Dude...what the fuck?"...and the fella told me that there're so many more other things better to do than staring at chicks...WRONG HOMO! you are so bloody wrong...


Anyway...back to the subject proper...karaoke's still going on, loudly, and there seems to be something tickling the girls up there cos they're laughing...loud...for no apparent reason...WTF right?? Then there's this Malay nut living downstairs and he's starting to scream like "oi...jangan bising" to them...but all this seems funny to them as they kept laughing at the Malay guy...WTF right?? Now...the karaoke gang must be trying to piss the Malay guy and me and the non-Chinese educated people and perhaps everyone else further by turning up the volume by an extra few nothces...WTF right??


That's it...most Chinese educated people are sick bastards and there comes a time when they should start to learn the meaning of "SHUT THE FUCK UP"
Peace

For the Football and Championship managers fanatic out there...here's a tip...
If you are looking for a new team to manage...Juventus is your choice...
If you have lots of spare cash with you, buy this player...
If you have the patience, sign him when his contract expires...
For there is no better player out there then...
*jeng jeng jeng*

Zlatan Ibrahimovic

Ignore the fact that I'm using the Thai currency...bloody game has a bug in it...couldn't change to pound sterlings...

Anyways...the stats says everything...and don forget to check out his match rating...




In a recently played game...

Conclusion:- Zlatan Ibrahimovic kicks ass