Finally, I've watched the transformers. Right now you would probably be expecting me to say how much I love the movie, and how great it felt to be turned into a 7 year old once again, and how awesome those transforming vehicles/robots were. Not today mates.


I was a little disappointed. I had expected much more. I entered the cinema, hoping to exit as an excited 7 year old. Instead, I came out as someone who got interrupted while masturbating to Japanese porn = UNSATISFIED. Spoilers ahead. If you haven't seen it, that's your loss.


After the movie, I discussed about how good......or how bad the movie was with a couple of friends. Everyone agreed that the fight scenes were too cool...except me. Everyone agreed the transforming part was awesome...I agreed to a certain extent. But most of all, everyone agreed it was one of the best movies they've seen in a long time...NO! JUST NO!


Let me point out a couple of flaws that some of you might have overlooked while you were busy being a 7 year old. Gun fights. Where in the fucking hell were all the gun fights? Ironhide was introduced as a weapon's specialist. So I waited in anticipation hoping that I would have my face smashed with millions of explosions. All he did was jumped around and fired 1-2 rounds of missiles. And all that was done in slow motion so he would look cool. No...Just fucking no. If you're a weapon's specialist, you would be firing missiles and chain guns and laser beams non stop so that all the audience could hear for the next couple of minutes were BOOM, BOOM and BOOM. And fine, they've turned Megatron (my favourite of all time) into a Star Wars like fighter plane. So shoot some missiles already. I swear to god Megatron only fired 1 shot from his blaster throughout the whole movie. Excluding gun fights from a transformers' duel is like being sent to heaven, only to know that heaven is full of nerdy, do-goody people and no hot chicks. Disappointing.


So instead of gun fights, these robots, who are supposed to be superbly technologically advanced, relied on the old hand-to-hand combat. Mehhhhh...Now the melee combats would have looked cool if they actually punched one another. Instead, all they do is grab on to each other and roll around all over the place. So all you see is a round ball of flashy metal rolling around, something which would have given Joe the Mechanic a hardon.


Also, the movie failed to instill any sense of panic in me. The first time I saw Armageddon or Independence Day, I was so engrossed into all that end of the world shit. Not for the Transformers though. They've done such a good job that there were scenes where people were just standing and watching while the robots were fighting just 5 feet away from them. What? All of a sudden the Americans are not afraid of giant killing robots? What about that scene where Optimus was fighting god-knows-who in front of this kid and his mom? I was silently wishing so hard that the kid wouldn't turn around and tell his mom "Wow...cool!!". But he did. How predictable. And uncool.


Also, the robots. Now if you're gonna make them look so cool, with all that transforming and stuff, why didn't the writers give them cool attitudes as well. I was like "I can't believe I'm seeing this...It's embarassing." during the scene where the Autobots tried to hide themselves from being seen by the guy's parents. Ironhide complaining his foot might rust because the dog peed on him? Not cool. Bumblebee pouring lubricant on the S7 guy? Not funny. Worst of all...Optimus Prime saying "Woops...my bad." OH MY GOD! "Woops...my bad" is something muttered by your modern hip-hop black-wannabe teenager...not by a leader of one of the factions of robots which have been fighting all over the galaxy. In their justice, they did say that they downloaded and used human speech patterns from the Internet...whatever that is.


I agree with a friend of mine who said that the writers and directors are trying to combine too many genres into one movie. Romance, comedy and action. Here's a message to all future directors. Action and comedy DON' FUCKING GO TOGETHER. PERIOD. Nobody wants to see a cool weapon-wielding robot saying how his feet will rust because of dog pee. I'm sorry but I really can't get over this. Rust. Bahhh. Worse...nobody wants to know about the little romance thing between the lead actors and actress. We want to see more robots!! For crying out loud the movie's called The Transformers...not Boy Meets Girl And Falls In Love While Robots Fight In The Background.


Finally, I wouldn't say that I've been totally disappointed. I mean it was a joy to see my childhood heroes in a real life movie. But it could have been better. They should have hired me. I would have directed a movie with so much explosions that you would feel like you have just been kicked in the face.



In other news...cigarette prices are up again and I quote from the Finance Ministry "the move was in line with the Government’s effort to encourage a healthy lifestyle and to curb social problems due to smoking especially among youngsters."
WHAT SOCIAL PROBLEMS???
I smoke...do I look like someone who goes around causing problems to society?
What? Do I go around raping women? Do I go around stealing cars? Do I go around Mat Rempiting with my bike? Wooops..Those are just the Malays.

I will never figure out why the Government refuses to ban cigarettes all together if they are so "concerned" about my lifestyle. Oh yes...I am sure McDonalds contributes to a healthy lifestyle. I am sure teh tarik and nasi lemak and roti canai contribute to a healthy lifestyle. I am sure glu sniffing contributes to a healthy lifestyle too. What about cough medicine? Ecstasy pills? Alcohol?

Leave the fucking cigarettes alone you stupid cunts. Stop showing you care just because you have control over the pricing of cigarettes. Grow some balls. Ban cough medicine...alcohol...whatever.

----As of now, a box of cigarettes cost RM8.00 compared to RM5 two years ago----