A car review...Part 2 :- the foreigners

Here it is...ladies and gent. Part 2 of my car review thingy. If you haven't read Part 1, you are advised to do so. Anyways, this is going to be a very short post as I have only driven 2 foreign branded cars in my life. I know. It's pretty sad.


One of them was the Kia Sportage. Here we have a 4wd people carrier big enough for 5 adults, plus 1 more in the boot. It has a 2 litre engine displacement, comes with an automatic gearbox and has the ability to switch from 4wd to 2wd. Manufacturers always state how technologically advanced this ability is but I say it's close to bullshit. Nobody is going to fiddle with the drives. Why bother? You have your standard instruments. CD player, power window on all four sides and that's the end of the good stuff. If my memory serves me well, it costs about RM80-90k back then...which was in 2002.

Now to my favourite part. The bad stuff. The air-conditioning is stupid. You will not feel a tinge of winterland, whether you are driving under the hot sun or in a rain storm. It's loud. But where is the cold air? The sealing is just as bad as my current car. Smoke from the busses will sip into the car easily. Someone once told me inhaling second hand smoke from smokers would kill you. I will bet my life that you would die earlier sitting in a Sportage, driving behind a smoke-emitting bus. If every other Korean car is going to be like this, it is no wonder the majority of Koreans look like a horse's arse. No, it is not in the genes. It is not in the food. Nor is it a punishment from God. It is just the fact that Koreans are inhaling just a tad too much smoke.


This is a picture of a Korean. He is Park Ji Sung from Manchester United.

This is a picture of a Korean inhaling too much bus smoke. The guy's called Rain or something like that but there...absolute prove that bus smoke can turn you into a butt face.

There is another flaw about the Sportage and it is how loud the engine is at 120 kph. The engine was vibrating. The car was vibrating. The people in it were scared half to death. By the time the Sportage reached 160kph, it is all smooth again. Weird but true. And no, I didn't have the balls to push the Sportage up to a 160. It was my dad's car for crying out loud. Who did it? My mom. A woman driver. It's true.

Now the other foreign car that I have driven was the Honda CRV. Yes another SUV. The Sportage was sold for the CRV. The CRV stands for Comfortable Runabout Vehicle but believe me, as a driver who is 6 feet and above, I can absolutely guarantee there would be no comfort when you are behind the wheel. Instead, Honda should put a notice on their brochures.

"The all new CRV. Comfort at it's best for short people."

You see, for people who are 6 feet, it is no more the Comfortable Runabout Vehicle that everyone else knows. Instead, it has turned into a Crotch Rubbing Vehicle. I am not joking. Sit yourself into the comfortable seats and you start to ask yourself,

"Why the heck is the steering wheel so low that it is already touching my crotch?"

Then you try to adjust the steering wheel, hoping to put it at it's highest level and you realise...IT IS ALREADY AT THE HIGHEST LEVEL! Every turn you make would make the steering wheel rub against your crouch. Now this would actually be a turn on if it was actually a woman rubbing my crotch. But the point is, Honda has once again shown that they are making cars for their available market which would mostly consist of short, thin, small-penised men. And of course the women. Guys out there who're tall, fat, manly and have gigantic penises. Look elsewhere.

Aside from the steering wheel issue, what you have here is a standard SUV with nothing exceptional to show. 2 litres of displacement for the engine with i-VTEC technology(whatever that is...), a fantastic air conditioning system, a stupid looking gear stalk which is next to the steering wheel, CD player, power windows on all four sides and that's it. It comes in at a hefty RM140k.

So you might ask, since I have actually driven these cars, why am I not making any comments on the drivability of these cars? I have to tell you honestly though...I hate SUVs. They are lazy off stand-still. Body roll is very evident around the corners. And you don't look cool anymore. It is a family man's car. Not for a youngster like me. I'd stick to my Saga anytime.