Have you ever had dinner with a friend where he/she(in my case, a she) would ask you some stupid irrelevant question instead of doing what most people would do when there's food on the table(eat) and you had to endure his/her cold gaze because what you answered did not coincide with what he/she had in mind?


There is one thing that pisses me off more than a woman bitching and that is a woman bitching while I'm eating. So I was out with a friend the other day at pizza hut. Halfway through eating, she decided to ask me...


WHAT DO YOU THINK IS THE PURPOSE YOU WERE PUT ON EARTH FOR?


Many answers ran in my head. From the fact that I was a product of my parents' enjoyment to the one about my responsibility to continue the family line by spawning more children. Then also came the thought of why am I subjecting myself to this shit? So I told her that the reason I was put on Earth is the exact same reason why every other person is put on Earth. I told her...


"I was put on Earth so that I could be fed and educated during my childhood instead of running around giving out atomic wedgies to assholes that I don't like so that when I am of the correct age, I can contribute to the governments' workforce by working 10 hours a day in a stupid office cubicle for a sum of dog shit money in order to help the nation achieve Vision 2020, all the while creating more children for the future of the country and eventually dying at the age of 60 as a result of lung cancer because I couldn't stop smoking."


As expected, she had that stupid cold glare( something like -____-) because my matter of fact answer did not coincide with her over-the-top answer. When asked the same question, she told me...


"I guess I was put on Earth to make Earth a better place by bringing happiness to people all around me"


I nearly choked when I heard that answer. Here's an idea how to make Earth a better place:SHUT UP! You are not a Miss Universe contestant...why must your answer be so damn fucking fake? Have anyone noticed how fake those beauty pageant contestants' answers can be? What's that? You want to help get rid of poverty? I'm SURE you can help get rid of poverty with the RM5000 prize money and that new Toyota Vios you received for winning the contest. No one speaks the damn truth anymore nowadays do they?


Another question that always sort of pisses me off is...
WHAT WOULD YOU DO IF YOU HAVE A MILLION GAZILLION THRILLION DOLLARS?


I'd spend it, asshole. As simple as that. Or in a more extreme case, I'd wipe my ass with the money. The word "donation" does not exist in my vocabulary.


Here's another famous question...
IF YOUR MOM AND GIRLFRIEND ARE ABOUT TO DROWN IN THE SEA, WHO WOULD YOU SAVE FIRST?

This is a favourite question from the girls to the guys. It is just as annoying as the girls' bitch laughter when you actually choose one of the available answers. "Ha? You want save your mother? Means you don't like your gf lor? Wahahahaha". I say shut it bitch. Being a real man means I can save as many people as I want AT THE SAME TIME. Plus, taking swimming lessons in my youth is an added bonus.


Here's another 1...
IF YOU HAD ONE WISH, WHAT WOULD IT BE?

Money.


IF YOU WERE STUCK IN AN ISLAND AND HAD TO CHOOSE ONE ITEM FOR YOUR SURVIVAL, WHAT WOULD IT BE?

A cellphone.



There are too many stupid questions around and I think it is my moral duty to spare all you readers the agony of going through all of them. You see, there's always a catch when girls ask guys these questions. If your answers are exactly the same as the ones they have in their minds, i.e. sensitive/caring answers a.k.a pussy, they'll look at you with a different perspective and if you're lucky enough, you'll get laid. They will deem you as...well...sensitive and caring and we all know women just can't stop bitching about sensitivity long enough to notice that there's no such thing as a sensitive guy out there. If you know of a sensitive guy, chances are (A) He's gay or (B) All of the above.**

**Just had to borrow this quote from Maddox. That fucker rules.


As a conclusion, the less questions you people ask me the happier I will be. It's not like you really care when you ask me how my day is, is it asshole?


P.S.
the only reason I am daring enough to quote my fren's question is because she doesn't read my blog. Either that or my balls are too hairy.