The neighbourhood in a nutshell...

I was watching this rally programme a few hours ago when I was rudely interupted by the barkings of this mad dog owned by the people living directly in front of my house...
I love car shows a lot but all I could hear then was...."Citroen being world champions are..*bark bark*...Subaru fighting back...*bark bark*...Peugeot looking good *BARK BARK!!!!*"
I was so damn freaking pissed that I was just minutes away from walking over to the dog and shoving the Astro remote control up it's arse...dumb mutt...
During the commercial break, I started thinking about the shitty neighbours that I have...
North..South...East...West...My house is surrounded by the most cock-up neighbours in the world...


Up North we have the crazy whacko dog who just can't stop barking...I tried feeding it chicken bones boiled in rat poison but the freaking thing is still alive and is still barking non-stop(fiction)...
Did I mention how much I hate dogs?? I used to love dogs a lot..come on la...man's best friend right?? That's horse shit...I nearly got bitten in the balls by some cracked dog at my aunty's house...Must be some female mutt trying to sniff out my love nuts but woah doggie...I only do humans aight??


Next door to the house in the North is the illegal gambling den...Every Saturday night there'll be a gathering of middle-aged aunties all playing mahjong in the house...
Now what annoys me is the noise they make from the shuffling of tiles...
What annoys me more is their scary-ass laughter...which goes a little like "HEEE HEEE HEEEE"...
I swear...1 fine day I'll be calling up the SWAT team whom I hope will storm into the house in the middle of their game of mahjong, tie them up, stuff their mouths and throw all of them old asses into prison...Damn...Didn't your mama ever tell you not to gamble??


The house in the South is just as full of shit....
In this Lunar Chinese Year of the Rooster...they had resorted to rearing 2 cocks(roosters lar you pervert) in hope to bring more luck for the year...
haha...god damn...they do have a wild imagination...2 cocks crowing at untimely hours will bring good luck??
haha...that's just FUCKING BULLSHIT!!!
I'll tell yall lar...these roosters must be on some stimulant drug or something because they'll be crowing at 6am(it's understood)....4pm(What the fuck??) and 8pm(God damn!)...
Yeah..I know it's weird...Most of the time I'll be jolted up from my 4pm siesta by these cocks....
Or maybe it's just lack of sex lar...I mean...they're rearing 2 roosters and no hens?? Gay activities, man...dirty psychotic birds....they just might end up humping those stray cats...sick...


Then we have the neighbour on the West...the musician wannabe....
Every night about 9pm...there'll be piano music being played and it could be heard clearly over at my place...
The music is good....serious..no shit...the fella's got talent....
At times there'll be beautiful music coming out from that house...
And at times...there'll be hell....because the person playing the piano(whoever it is) is a mental psychotic nut...
Whenever he/she plays a note wrong he/she would show his/her frustration by banging on the piano keys itself...
So it's like **nice music**...**wrong note**...**BANG BING BANG**...**nice music**...**ting...wrong note**...**PRANG PONG PRANG**...**nice music**...*tong..wrong note**...**PRANG PONG BING BANG**
Everytime this happens I'll have the urge to walk over there and give him/her a 5-fingers-across-the-face slap...


Now to the neighbour on the East....Our friend here has a small lawn in his house...and once a week...he'll be bringing out his lawn mower to mow the lawn...
So it's like I'm having my nap at 3pm and suddenly **GRARRRRRR NGEEEEE GRARRRRRRRRR**...
Arrgghhh...Stupidity...I would have snatched the lawn mower from him and mow down his nuts if not for him being an elderly man...
I respect the elders...trust me...I do...
For now..I'm formulating a plan...I'm planning to dig my way under his lawn to plant a World WarII mine in his lawn...
So that when he starts mowing....not only will his small patch of lawn be blown up..so will the noisy crap you call a lawn mower...


Finally...another neighbour living at the North East of my house...
Our friend here is a R/C car fanatic(R/C = remote control)....
Unfortunately his R/C cars are not the ones that run on batteries but are the ones that run on gas and have proper working engines...
These engines make so much noise that anyone living within a 450 metre radius of that house will be pissed like hell...And I'm just living 5 metres away from him....
Every Sunday at 5pm he would be playing around with his R/C cars....
**WRENGGG WRENGGG...NGEEEE...WRENG WRENGGGG**
Sometimes I would be tempted to get into my own car,chase down the R/C car and run over it over and over again...
Dude...I got a REAL car....BITE ME!!!


That's pretty much how annoying my neighbours are...They ain't fun...They say "Love thy neighbour"..but I won't be doing any loving soon....
If in any case my neighbours are reading this, or anyone else who have a problem with my ranting, or anyone who have issues against me...don't write me hate mail....just....


---KISS MY ASS!!!---